As we settle into a new year, I've been thinking about the single boundary that seems to have the greatest impact on my mental and physical health, and I keep coming back to this simple—but profound—commitment to myself:
I will not linger in psychologically unsafe spaces.
This may sound obvious at first pass, but so often we convince ourselves to stay in environments and relationships that, frankly, are simply not safe.
We minimize truly harmful dynamics and behaviors to avoid conflict, be polite, or prevent hurting someone's feelings. We sacrifice ourselves and what we need because giving up and giving in can feel familiar or “easier” than speaking up or making a change.
But when you allow people who routinely gaslight, shame, diminish, manipulate, bully, or disregard you to remain firmly rooted in your innermost circle, it slowly erodes your self-worth. It seeps into your subconscious. It even impacts your physical health with symptoms like headaches, stomach troubles, insomnia, and more.
Continuing to engage with those who harm you compromises your healing journey. It stands squarely in the way of everything you're meant to become.
So what might it look like to honor this most important boundary with yourself in 2024?
Perhaps it means finally leaving a long-term job where you're routinely disrespected. Maybe it means walking away from a house of worship where certain identities are excluded. Or distancing yourself from a family member who constantly minimize or mocks your mental health struggles, no matter how many times you've attempt to set boundaries. It may just be as simple as adopting a zero-tolerance policy moving forward for any harmful language, manipulative behavior, or passive-aggression—whether from acquaintances, coworkers, friends, or partners.
However your decision manifests, what's most important is choosing your long-term wellbeing over short-term comfort and refusing to settle for less than you deserve. And finding the courage to let go of whatever and whomever continually demands your self-betrayal.
It comes down to this:
Your peace and safety are simply non-negotiable.
The only true home is ultimately where and with whom you are fully seen, accepted, valued, and respected for everything that you are—where your tears, laughter, passions, fears, and dreams are welcomed with warmth.
You deserve nothing less than that sanctuary, and may you finally find it in 2024.
Want to take a deeper dive? Grab a free copy of Your Guide to Better Boundaries.
Hi, I'm Kelly. 👋 I help you make hard decisions and do hard things. Like you, I spent decades putting others' needs before my own. After almost 20 years of leadership roles and a lifetime’s worth of plot twists in my personal life, I made the empowering decision to seek greater meaning and purpose in my work, helping others to reconnect with their authentic selves and discover the joy, peace, and clarity that comes with finally identifying and prioritizing your own needs.
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